Thursday, February 24, 2011

Short Story Part 7

It was cold. The breeze flowing into the moving car right after the rain had stopped was cold. I preferred it like that actually. I prefer to drive with the windows down at night, or after the rain. So since it was 830pm and the rained had stopped an hour ago. I drove home. In the best condition. The wind in my face, messing up the right side of my hair. But I didnt care. This was the best part of my day. I looked again at the clock. Slowing my car down. I didnt want it to end. I wanted to drive for as long as I could.

Then my phone rang, waking me from my imaginary flying abilities.

"I cordially invite you to our wedding on the 5th of March 2011 at..... Hanafee and Sabrina." The main details of the text message. My eyes widened. Surprised. I havent talked to him in a very long time. Suddenly, out of the blue he tells me he's getting married? Crap!

I rushed home. Questions after questions after questions in my head. He didnt seem like the one who would want to get married so soon in life. I mean come on, we're only 26. Hanafee was not a close friend of mine. But we shared a lot of common ground. The weirdest of all was that we were both born on the same day. 17th of January 1985.

I got home, rushed into my room, ignoring my housemates in the living room, saying only "hey!" as i walked in. I got into my room, windows opened, wind rushing to the door, like cats trying to get out of a house because its been trapped all day. I put my bag down and took out my phone and dialed Hanafee's number.

"Hello, assalamualaikum. Fee?" I said
"Waalaikumsalam. Wei Zir, hahahahha."
"Dude, what happened?" I asked making it sound like something bad had happened.
"Why? what happened?" he said panicking a bit.
"Youre getting married?"
"Stop making it sound like its a bad thing hahaha."
"Hahaha well it is a bad thing, for her!" Hit! right in the forehead.
"Funny.." he stopped laughing and used his sarcastic voice.
"So whens the ceremony?"
"read the text you lazy twat!"
"Hahaha... so tell me... you still working there?"
"Yeah... But i might be moving soon. I dont want to jump into it, but I think I cant keep up the long distance relationship with Sabrina. I mean when we were dating it was fine. But shes going to be my wife and I want to be closer to her.... and at a more constant rate." Hanafee went on explaining things to me.
"So youre quitting huh? Im quitting my job too, just havent found a place to get work yet." I paused.
"I thought you like working there." I said to Hanafee.
"Yeah I do, that place is awesome."
"So you okay leaving?" I said wanting to know his answer, as i was having the same problem leaving my workstation. Hanafee had always spoken fondly of the weird ensemble of people working at his company. He had grown attached to them and it was weird for me to hear him quitting. To be honest I never saw it.

"what good enough reason do you have to leave?" i continued my question.

He took a deep breath, i could sense he had given this matter a lot of thought, or maybe he was just tired of answering the same question over and over again. Im sure someones asked him before I did. Then he said:-

"There are a lot of good reasons for me to keep working here, for me to stay here. But Sabrina, my future wife, is a better reason to leave. She alone is a better reason compared to all the good reasons to stay my friend."

At that moment, I was convinced. I was convinced he knew what he had to do and he was going to do it. I envied him. Mostly because I wasnt so sure of what to do next. We chatted for almost an hour until I told him I just got home and I needed some rest. He hung up. And i sat on my bed. The lights were off, the fan circling gently on top of my head and the breeze blowing in through the window. I closed my eyes as i allowed myself to bathe in the breeze for awhile. Somehow, I fell asleep. So deep was my sleep that night, I had no dreams. Just a large dark space and Im just falling with the wind as a bed. Tonight, ill sleep, Ill handle my mistakes tomorrow. Ill have regrets tomorrow. Ill have a bad day tomorrow. But tonight, Ill just sleep.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Why theres only one Reception

One of the most frequent asked questions (usually come form idiots who barely know me but still wants to strike a conversation about my love life) are why is there only one reception for the wedding?

The Doa in the card was specially design to give you the first hint. I have no parents. Theyre both gone so having a second reception is down right unnecessary.

Take time to read the card. So i dont have to be reminded that I am without parent every time I pass you a card.

I have no parents, so one reception - Nuff Said!

Sunday, February 20, 2011


deafening silence,
as i waited,
waited for the words to come.

They never came,
it was left unsaid,
when it is unsaid,
it remains a mystery.

what hurts more than knowing,
is not knowing,
what hurts more than knowing,
is ever wondering,
what hurts more than knowing,
is realizing time is running,
less and less,
to say thing unsaid,
until when it comes over,
it gets buried.... forever.

p/s - felt like writing poetry. tapi malas giler nak carik gambar hahahaha

Friday, February 18, 2011

Short Story Part 6

picture from fakelvis at flickr

"Have a seat Huzir.... Its been awhile since I've talked to you." Said the old man behind the desk. I sat down, smiling, a bitter smile, but still, a smile.

"I've been hearing some rumors about you." He said calmly.
"Yeah well... Its bound to happen here.." I said sarcastically. He shot me a look and a smile.

He was smart, above all else experienced. The 68-year old mentor. My Mentor. When I first came to the company, our first meet and greet, he sat across the table from me as I remained glued to Obama's inaugural speech. As he sat down and said:-

"Oh he won!. The Republicans messed up." as he began to relax a bit on the sofa.
"Well written!" I declared as Obama finished his speech. He turned to me confused. Me grinning like a kid who was just handed a piece of candy turned to him and wiped my smile off as I saw his face.

"What did you say?" He asked
"err... well written?" I hesitated.
"What were you referring to?"
"Obama's speech.... I'm a fan of writing. Particularly speeches and novels, journals are fun too, fiction, non fiction, science fiction, classics, poems, haikus...." As I realized that I was rambling.

I shut up. Too much info for a stranger I assumed. The old man smiled. Warm, fuzzy, father like. I returned his smile.

"How old are you?" he asked
"I'm 24."
"Hahaha that is a very weird hobby for a 24 year old." He said laughing. His whole body shaking like a medium sized Santa.
"I have been told that many times, though I see no real reason for it though."
"What do you mean?" he asked barely stopped smiling.
"I mean, history is almost always written from a broad perspective, which is good, because it allows people to remain unbiased, but sometimes, looking at events through a smaller perspective can change how we look at times. Obama's speech for example, when I listened to it, I am transported to other speeches by Jefferson and Washington who spoke with the same eloquence about freedom, hope, dreams. The view of one person, which later became the ideals of an entire generation."
"Prof. We are ready for you." I was cut off.

Thats when I realized. He was the main man. The person heading the research committee which I was appointed to due to my experience in researching.

He turned to Mr Zarul. Head of Academic and Research Office.
"Looks like we have a talented one here." He said smiling and nodding towards me, indicating to Mr. Zarul he was referring to me.

That was it. That was how I met him. The man who would later take me under his wing, mentor me.

"Is it true?" He said, and yanked me out of the reminiscing.
"I dont know yet."
"Huzir, you have been in this company for quite some time now. It would be a waste to see your hard work be left behind. Starting over takes effort my young friend."

My young friend. Thats what he called me. Never son, never boy but my young friend. It made me feel positively different. He had that effect on me. I was young, bundled with pride of kings, energy of the sun, strength of an ox. But with him, with his intelligence, with his words, my pride was reduced, my sun became moonlike, and my strength remain strong only not as wild.

"I cant stay here anymore. I've lost the fire. What had happened, only happened, because i cracked under pressure. Everyone was so eager to see me fail, it came to a point, that I would gladly give them what they want. Me failing." I said as calmly as possible.

He looked into my eyes as silence ensued for the next few minutes.

"When are you quitting?" He finally asked.
"I dont know for sure yet. All i know is that I'm currently looking for a job."

He looked down. I was devastated. This old man, had taken me in, fatherless and motherless me and taught me everything I know. This man who i had looked up to, respected, admired and dare i say loved. I was devastated, because I was disappointing him.

I stood up and waited for him to stop me. He didnt, which meant, he was done. I walked towards the door and opened it. As i turned around and saw him with his face in his hand while the other hand was holding his glasses. For a moment, just for a moment, I felt the urge to walk towards him and hug him and say "thank you... in a life which i have spent a majority of it without a father, you are the closest thing I found, thank you for everything."

But I didnt, I closed the door behind me, and I walked away.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Short Story Part 5

"What are you still doing here?" a voice asked.

I looked up from my desk, a bit startled but too focused on what I was doing to be bothered too much.

"I need to finish these reports before I go back or else I'm gonna be dreaming about boss chasing me with a file or folder.." I said jokingly.

"Yeah well, make sure you lock up before you go okay?" Fairuz, the technician reminded me.

I watched him walkaway, opened the main door and kept my eyes glued to the door closing behind him. I moved my focus to the computer screen. Pages of pages of pages of words. Words which over time had lost a lot of its meaning. Argh!! This thoughts are what usually distracts me. I pinched my cheek a bit. "Snap out of it bud!" I said to myself. I began typing again, slowly gaining speed.

"Kau ada dengar cerita tak?" i heard someone say, a bit surprised. I thought I was alone in the office.
"Citer aper?"
"Aku dengar Huzir nak berhenti keje. Nak pindah katanya."
"Ehh ko biar betul, dia bukan boss's pet ke. Takkan dia nak blah, mana boleh survive dunia lain yang dia takleh nak jadik kaki bodek boss."
"Aku dengar citer, aku pun taktau betul ke tidak. Ntah-ntah sajer nak mintak naikkan gaji."
"Keje malas, gaji nak besar, tak paham betul lah aku."

I remained calm. Surprisingly. Ive realized though over the years, if there is anything about me that has changed is that I am more composed and relaxed nowadays. I don't jump up and panic every time I feel something needs to be rectified. I tried ignoring the words mentioned out of a culturally narrow person. There was no relevance nor necessity to talk about me. Huzir is quitting. Huzir is asking for this and that with this on top of that. There are moment though these situation becomes, unbearable. As you know these people surrounding you are without a moment of hesitance passing judgement on you. I removed my hands from the keyboards. Put my right hand on top of my left hand and landed my forehead on the back of my hand.

I am tired. Ive been tired for quite some time now. I realize that in my movement and my mood. Im not always in a good mood. No one is actually, but i was getting cranky. I closed my eyes as the images of all the things that could calm me flashed in my head like a bad movie. Beaches, My wife, my three year old son. Then the phone rang. Startled i answered my phone.

"Assalamualaikum Zir.."
"Waaalaikumsalam Zal... whats up?"
"Khairul.... Khairul just passed away...."

It struck. Like lightning. Straight to the heart. I took some time.

"What happened?"
"Apparently, he and Rose was driving back when a lorry miscalculated its turn..."
"Is Rose okay?" I asked understanding the ending of the story.
"She's in ICU, the doctors are saying she has a good chance of surviving, but nothings for sure yet."

I took a deep breath as I thought of the appropriate response.

"SMS me the hospital address, Ill get there soon." and i hung up.

I laid my face in my hands, as tears began streaming down my cheek.

I am afraid of dying. But not because Im afraid to die. I am afraid of dying because of the people Im gonna leave behind. Im afraid for their sake. Im afraid of who will take care of them. More than dying, Im afraid of living my life unfulfilled. I guess death gives a new perspective for the living. I guess death is a reminder of how to live your life.