Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Summer's Christmas Gift

Gambar Hiasan. Beg sebenar penulis bukan 100% seperti ini tapi dah 95% nak dekat sama. hehe

Hellew!! *cheerful expression*. How was your Christmas everyone? Hopefully, it was filled with Happiness, Blessings and Joy.

Since we don't celebrate Christmas, so we didn't exchange gifts. However, my family and I went window shopping for flooring and WHITE bedroom set. Note, white. I was excited like hell! Can't wait to have a brand new look for my room. Wee~ Currently am sharing the room with my sister, and soon with future husband, wahahaha *naughty laugh*. And of course, my sister has to sleep somewhere else. =P Anyway, that's not the main topic now.

The highlight of this post is................ after one year being a working lady....I finally got myself a gift! Yay! A handsome Country Hide classic leather messenger bag. Since i'm hyperactive (haha), but still i want comfort, style and function all wrapped in one....so the bag is perfect! Oh, what makes it even more perfect is the fact that it was chosen by Hanafee when he came here three weeks ago. *smiles*

My HANDSOME bag has a name. It is Hyun Joong. Wahahhahaha. You don't know who Kim Hyun Joong is? Go google! =D

p/s: Did you get yourself a gift?

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

How to be a lecturer

Someone once told me its not an easy job to be a lecturer. The burden of shaping the minds of tomorrow is a burden people do not envy. How you act and react in class will ultimately shape the course of the future. Being a lecturer has its ups and downs. Regardless of whether it is the private or the government sector, lecturers are held to a certain level of standard that no other human beings are held to. My Boss once told me there are two things you need in order to be a good lecturer.

1) Knowledge.

Without adequate knowledge of your field it will be very difficult to be a lecturer. No matter what field you are currently in right now, anyone, anytime can be a lecturer. Given of course that you are prepared to answer anything and everything about your field. Some people go through their entire University/College life without ever really loving their field or getting to know the field. Thus they develop an insecurity that there are still things about their field they might not know about. I think its called a field of study because a field is where you go to have fun. You run, skip, hop, jump, and play on a field. The better you know your field the better player you would be and the more fun you would tend to have on them. So knowing your field well would definitely be an advantage considering you dont want your students outplaying you in your own field. So if youre looking to further a career in lecturing, being an expert in your field would definitely be an enticing deal.

2) Passion

For what it is worth, i believe this is the most important element in any lecturer or teaching position for that matter. Passion affects not only your performance, but most of all it affects the effectiveness of your teaching approach. As most of you might be aware of, there is a large variety of teaching approaches available, but all of it would be like a gun without bullets if you dont have the passion to teach. Always wanting to perform well in class would give your students a sense where they too need to be better, they too need to perform. Regardless of whether your scream at your students or persuade them into doing what you want, without passion, gun without bullets. But also remember that too much passion isnt a good thing as well, most people or norma people are laid back and passion tires them, so you do not want to have too much passion that you start tiring your students, but not too little that you start to look tired.

Although these two things are said to be the most important thing in being a lecturer, I believe there is another element that is just as important. Knowledge, Passion and the Passion for Knowledge.

The best teacher is also the best student. The one questions the most, the one who has almost all the answers, the one who realizes that there a certain things you just dont know, the one who speaks but not too much, and sits quietly but not too much. The one with the out of the box idea, the one who keeps wondering how everything works. The one with the thirst to learn and the hunger to know. Have adequate knowledge, Have passion for teaching, and have a passion for knowledge in its entirety.

About getting a teaching position. There a large amount of education institutions that are just dying for teaching man-power (and woman-power as well) and you should keep your eye out on vacancies that might open up in the private and government sector. Other than that, count your lucky stars because after that it all depends on whos the lucky one.

Hope this helps! Da!

Monday, December 21, 2009

How to be a lecturer (Funny Version)

Here are something you will need to avoid if you are serious for a career in lecturing.

During the interview:-

"Can you tell us a bit about your field?"
"Well lots of children play football on it in the evening.... the grass is green too..."

"Which part of the brain controls speech?"
"Somewhere around the head lah kot."

"Can you apply the theories of Physics to teaching?"
"Yes, the higher the velocity of my cane the more pain the student will endure."

"Tell us something bad about yourself"
"I hate reading."

"Do you know who Eisenhower is?"
"errr.... A football player?"

"Do you know its not good to answer a question with a question?"

"Are you able to execute other duties other than teaching?"
"Ehh I appy jadi lecturer lah... apahal plak kena buat benda lain?"

"Out of a hundred students, how many of them do you think would pass your subject?"
"All of them!"

"Which method of teaching do you think most suits you?"
"Tulis kat papan putih pastu suruh salin.... esok check.... kalau tak salin rotan lah..."

p/s - Untuk pengetahuan semua... Ini adalah jawapan beberapa manusia yang pernah diinterview untuk menjadi lecturer.... I worry for the academic world.

p/s and p/s - Will write the serious version tomorrow hahaha

Sunday, December 20, 2009


Its been more than a year since i started settling at my current job as a lecturer and over the past year, I have changed in more ways i could have ever imagined. When i first worked there as a lecturer, i was treated with an earful of bad things about the company i work in. Low salary pay, no benefits, impossible levels of achievement to justify increment, low paying bonuses and much more. Trust me to list everything here would take up three days to write.

It came to a certain point in my life there that i realized a few things. These people who dont like the company, still comes to work, everyday, doing the same thing theyve been doing for years. They arent looking for another job, they just dont like working here but moving is too much of a hassle. Yet, they hate the company to the heat of a thousand suns. Then i asked myself, these seniors, these so-called talented people who demand they be paid the right amount, why are they still here? Is it because they are less qualified to work somewhere else? if they are, lets say less qualified, then where does the confidence to demand come from?

Im not saying i agree totally on company policies. Trust me, ill be the first to admit that, but i always think to myself, there is always a way around the "system". For example:-

"Nak Bonus kena buat tiga program yang disertai oleh sekurang-kurangnya 50 orang pelajar."

You want the bonus money? Well you do exactly that. Three programs joined exactly byb fifty students. And once youve done it, and you dont get the bonus, then you rebel. Rebelling without cause is just plain childish.

Now the one thing that pisses me off is the fact that these so called seniors (people who came before you did) are usually persistent. they dont stop with you, they even look towards those people who came after you, and long after those juniors are gone, they'll still be there working at the same desk doing the same thing, everyday.

I am a man who believes that you should make the best out of a bad situation. Yes work is bad, yes the company sucks, but its our job to make things better and not just sit and whine about it. It takes a lot to make people change, i know, but if we dont try we'll never know. This past few months, ive been trying to distract myself with work. I work my ass off and hope that when i get home, im too tired to even think about how messed up my life is. And in two months, i can feel the emotional reward already rolling in. Now about money.... I wont lie, ive thought about it, but i think it is what it is, a bonus, if you get it then Alhamdulillah, if you dont, then work harder. But the emotional and psychological acknolwedgement is almost good enough to get me through the day. When someone looks at you and tells you "Good job!" or "Youre one of a kind". The feeling is exhilirating. But then yes, i cant be stuck with the same amount their paying me forever. So yes, i want a better salary. But theyve seen what i can do. with a better salary, i can only get better. Ive made my move, ive done what is needed, ive fulfilled the requirements, Im a good worker. Company, your move!

Make the best out of a bad situation, affect the people around you in a positive way, dont let them affect you negatively. Smile! Be greatful when others are credited, work harder if you wanna be credited at the same level. Be passionate about your job. Dont expect too much in return, be honest, dont look too much on what others are doing, focus more on your job. Always look at the potential and not the restrictions. Be innovative, be smart, be fast. Dont procrastinate or procrastinate but not too much. Dont forget to relax. When youve had a long day, reward yourself but not too much. If you did something wrong, berate yourself but not too much. Always stand close to your convictions. Adapt. Congratulate your friends. Think out of the box. Be brave, Take risks. Have fun.

Im 24 turning 25 in 2010. Ive worked at the same company for roughly a year and two months. Im young, im inexperienced, im easily distracted, im scared of new horizons, and i fear being irrelevant. I dont wanna complain about it. I wanna do something about it. I wanna stop fearing, i wanna stop being distracted, i wanna walk on new horizons. But most of all, "we were all meant to shine like children do, its not just in some of us, its in all of us, and as we let our own light shine, we unconciously give others permission to do the same, as we are liberated from our own fear."

Friday, December 18, 2009

Selamat 1 Muharam

Salam Ma'al Hijrah 1431 untuk semua. Selamat 1 Muharam. Jatuh pada hari Jumaat. Hujan da start turun hari Khamis. It's obvious, right? Keberkatan. *smiles*

Sadly, my 1430 ended with tears and harsh words. Was too sad plus angry.. my eyes got teary.. people could see. I reached home, it was already Maghreb. Too late for me to recite the dua'a. My heart was broken. It's like when you see a light shining through an open door and when you are about to step your foot in, the door closes, and there's a voice behind the door saying "Sorry, you are not accepted here. Maybe next time". I think that this is a message from God to a sinner like me. *sads*

But that is okay. There are always other doors. Yesterday's was just a test... just a test from Him.

So, how did your 1430 end?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Twenty-three to twenty-ten

1. Wow. Twenty-three more days to year twenty-ten. *smile*

2. End of this month, my bff Emi is going to get engaged. Yay!! Christmas falls on Friday and the Engagement on Saturday, in Kuantan, Pahang. Am going to be working on that Saturday! I don't know what am I going to do about it... what i know is... i have to make a plan. Emi, if you are reading this, trust me, i so wanna be there for you but i can't promise, k?

3. I've been working in a new company for 6 weeks now. Am gonna share my first job-hopping experience with you, soon. *smiles*

4. Access to Blogger is blocked at the new company. That's why no new posts from me lately. Hehe

5. But that's okay! Since i can't blog at the office, so i will make scheduled posts! For your information, yesterday's post and this post are scheduled posts. There's gonna be more scheduled posts later on. *winks*

6. I think i'm beginning to lose my writing and communication skills in English, or maybe it's the confidence? Hmmph.

7. Anyway, Hanafee came here last weekend. Enough said. *Floating in the air* Haha.

8. Again, Twenty-three more days to year twenty-ten. Wow. Are you ready people??

Friday, November 27, 2009


"You have to talk about it, it's wrong to shoulder everything all to yourself, its wrong and its selfish... you gotta let me help..."

"Help? Theres no helping anything, you think we're gonna talk about it and hug and everything is gonna be alright? This pain... this hole inside me... its killing me and i know i cant change anything, and that is the one thing that hurts the most, the fact that i could only stand there, do nothing, as i saw her breath her last gasp of air, nothing i can do about it. This image in my head, of weakness of unfairness, of me..... it hurts like hell...."


"Now tell me, what can you possibly say to make me feel better?"

Im not okay. I dont think I'll ever be okay. It angered me early after it happened when people ask me "Are you okay?" I always answered "Im coping" or "Ill be okay." But no one seems to realize those answers means "Im not okay."

When someone dies..... Saying their name becomes weird... Everytime i say the word mama... I feel this pain... jolting my heart with a thousand needles in a split second.... Im not okay..... I dont wanna talk about it.... I do however.... wish she was here.... I dont have regrets... i always loved my mother, treated her like a queen..... i love every lost teeth.... lost toes.... thinning grey hair... her tendency to use tears as a weapon of guilt.... everything... I miss everything....

My mom used to ask for something i was eating after she was sure it was finish. Teaching me that it is always polite to ask if anyone once a taste. She taught me the great taste of yogurt!

I wanted to write something perfect..... but i cant.... my mother was not perfect.... she... like the trailing dots in this post.... she was imperfect.... but she gave me character.... personality... a voice....

Everyday i go to work, i smile, i laugh, i joke, and make everyone feel comfortable around me.... deep down.... Im not okay.... I miss mama..... how can i not miss mama...... when i dream... i dream of mama..... I miss mama.... I used to text her all the time that i miss her... and she would call and she would confirm... "bangpi hantar msg rindu mama ke?"

Writing this hurts.... thats why i could never do it...this isnt perfect.... it can never be perfect... it will never be perfect.... my muse... my inspiration.... my strength is gone.... so how can i write anymore? Im not okay.... Trust me... im not okay.... I cant call her anymore.... i cant msg her... i cant be disappointed when she tells me she isnt cooking when i come home....

People tell me i have to let her go..... but i cant.... i want to... if it makes her happy... i want to... but i cant.... because it hurts too much....i still think about her.... i still think sometimes... that shes still there when i see something i think she would love if i bought one for her.... then a second later im reminded.... she isnt there anymore.... I wanna wake up from this nightmare...... because im not okay.....

I dont wanna write this anymore... too many tears have been shed.... this is where this ends.... I love you mama..... I hope you know that.... mama... i love you..... Im sorry for the bad writing....

I love you Mama
Halijah Ahmad
1951 - 2009
Mother, friend, Inspiration

Monday, November 9, 2009

Kerjayaku Model

Dulu. Salah satu cita-cita aku nak jadi model. Nak pakai baju cantik sambil jalan buat muka serius macam tak peduli orang sekeliling sebab macam paling lawa paling hot.

Kalau nak jadik model, kena tinggi, kaki panjang, muka tak cantik takpe asal unik, kulit tak putih takpe asal cantik takde jerawat, and ramai orang kata kena kurus, and kena konfiden.

Bersungguh-sungguh aku berlatih dari kecik jalan macam model, dabik dada macam model, hayun tangan macam model, kepala kena chin up macam model, senyum sombong macam model. Semua lah macam model!

Setelah masuk umur 18 tahun.... aku masih kurus. Yay! Lulus! Tapi.... aku tak tinggi-tinggi, kaki tak panjang-panjang, lepas kena chicken pox muka ada jerawat la pulak....

Kawan baik aku kata, "ko mana boleh jadi model, ko ada lesung pipit! Lesung pipit ni dah dikira cacat tau tak? Model kena perfect. Tak boleh cacat. Haha"
Adik pulak kata, "nak jadi model gigi kena lawa, gigi berterabur ada hati nak jadi model. Hahaha"

Haih. Isk isk isk. Terkubur lah cita-cita masa kecil aku begitu sahaja....

Tapi...tapi...nak tau tak? Masa sekolah SSI, ada pertandingan model kat asrama, lawan antara dorm, model model mesti junior yang baru masuk form 1. Masa ini aku senior dah.

Dan..... tempat pertama, kedua and ketiga semua junior junior dorm aku yang bolot weyh!!

Dan..... dan..... cuba teka siapa yang bersungguh-sungguh melatih mereka berjalan macam model?? Siap letak kayu penyapu kat pinggang tahan dengan tangan tuh! Posture, posture kena tegak beb. hehehe

Funny...how time flies. Now dah tak terasa nak jadik model pun. Sebab dah sedar diri. Hahahaha. Nonetheless, i still love watching any catwalk/model/fashion show. Aku suka tgk keyakinan mereka mereka yg berjalan di khalayak orang ramai.

Yes, Confidence attracts me.

And i guess, ade hikmah for everything. Yes, i'm short, i'm pimply, gigi berterabur, kurus keding pulak tu, but Hanafee loves me. *winks* Terima kasih Tuhan.

*smiles* cita-cita korang dulu nak jadi apa?

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Kunci Kegembiraan

adalah tidak peduli. tidak buang masa fikir risau gundah gelana. sayangi diri sendiri. barulah tak makan hati. barulah tak kurus melidi.

sekali lagi, kunci kegembiraan, adalah tidak peduli.

Friday, November 6, 2009

The Last Two Months

The last two months have probably been the most testing times for me. I have became a visitor in my own blog, and im glad Sabrina has been doing a good job in terms of keeping it as lively as possible. I havent been able to, Im not as lively as i used to be, i guess thats what happens when a part of you dies and withers away.

I wanted to write a scribe for my mother, unable to, it lacks.... perfection. So unless it becomes perfect, you wont be seeing it anytime soon on this blog. So just a short update for everyone. Here are some things I've learned in the past two months:-

  1. Your true friends are the ones who help bury your mother.
  2. You can lose a brother when you lose the will to help them.
  3. Brotherhood is to be earned
  4. The people that cry for you loves you, but the people who hold you when youre crying doesnt love you less
  5. There is nothing more amazing than being able to sit up and write.
  6. Dont stay in bed too long, the world goes on but no one does your work for you.
  7. Love yourself most, no one does it better than you.
  8. Smile
  9. Dance even if its just in your room
  10. Smile
  11. Never believe it when your doctor tells you "it wont hurt one bit"
  12. Be worried when your doctor looks at your charts and says "Uh-oh!"
  13. Be even more worried when he looks at your x-ray and says "Ooopppsss!"
  14. Even if it hurts, hug someone
  15. Even if it hurts, run a bit
  16. Cry if you feel like it.
  17. and lastly, if people ask you, "Are you okay?" smile and say "Would you be okay if you were in my place?"
So I leave you with that, not to bum anyone out, I will be writing a tribute to my mother, i just have been dwelling on many of the drafts, if anything, like i said, it needs perfection.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

One of the things I wanna do....

before i turn 25 is...sending an e-mail to Hanis Zalikha. Regardless of whether she would reply me. it would be nice if she did. *smiles*

Have fun reading hers!!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Dangerously Straightforward

Cukup sudah kuberikan cintaku
Cukup sudah rasa ini untukkmu
Mati sudah hati ini padamu
Mati sudah hasrat ingin bersamamu

Pernahkah kau merasa
Hatimu Hampa
Pernahkah kau merasa
Hatimu Kosong

Buang saja semua kata cintamu
Buang saja semua kata maafmu
Hancur sudah hati ini padamu
Hancur sudah hasrat ingin bersamamu

Pernahkah, pernahkah kau merasa
Dikala siang datang terasa gelap gulita
Tiada cahaya hanya gelap hitam dan kelam
Tak ada lagi suka tak ada rasa
Pernahkah, pernah pernah pernah pernahkah, pernahkah kau merasa
Disaat diri terlelap
Meski gemuruh kian beradu slalu mengaduh
Kau tetap terlelap dalam tidurmu

Maafkan aku sayangku
Bukan maksudku menyakitimu, mengkhianatimu
Ampuni aku sayangku
Cukup katakan aku tak lagi mencintaimu

p/s: Hampa Hatiku by Ungu.

Sunday, October 25, 2009


Hanafee's going for surgery today. this morning. what saddens me the most is i am not allowed to come to kl. what saddens me the most is he's not telling me which hospital. what saddens me the most is he even told his brothers not to tell me the hospital's name. what saddens me the most is i was so far far away when his mother passed away.. and now i am still far far away when he's in pain. i am so sad he doesnt wanna share his pain with me... selfish selfish selfish!! as much as he's hurting now.. it hurts me too that i cant be by his side...now i am hating this long distance relationship we have.

ok he just called me, and his surgery is at 10 am. and i am still in masai??!! *crying*

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

This One’s For You

You are who I think you are
You are who I think as a star
Promised light and friendship from afar
Yet faith and soul seem apart so far
If soul I keep then in faith I look upon new horizons
Shall God besiege me, leaving me too far behind
And in time I keep faith
In time I keep hope
For what we want and what we see might make us better than slope
But just as far as faith and hope
Then time shall let me cope
Only one for you and hope I will not drop.

The end

p/s: From a stranger, sent to me via e-mail dated 4th June 2003, Wednesday, with the title “Tolong lah jangan ingat aku gila”.

Anyway, guess who was the stranger? =)

Koleksi Ruang Tamu

Dah lama tak blog pasal dekor dekor dekor
(sila baca dgn berlagu mcm dalam tv. heh)

So now, i present you, 10 inspirational living room designs!!

suka ini suka ini!!! =D but it would be too girly for hanafee. hmmph.

bold colors + cool wall arts! = awesome!!

simply because i love the green....

i LOVE this!!!

hmmph.. i like the couch.

black red white theme...

minimalist. sesuai utk yg baru kawin. hehe =)


Saturday, October 17, 2009

Save the Dolphins

I have just read from Emila Yusof's blog about Dolphins Slaughter in Japan. Most people in Japan don't have any idea that the dolphin slaughter is even happening.

There’s an on-going petition to stop the killing. I’ve already signed the petition and now it’s your turn. Please help spread the word and save the dolphins!!

I'm a dolphin lover! But I never see them live. (Ade ke dolphins di Malaysia? Dugong ade la kot. huhu)

Why do I like dolphins? They symbolize freedom, joy, grace, serenity...

Do you know that when i first started using mIRC ( i was 17), my first nickname was white_dolphin. *smiles*

What's your first nickname for chatting?

Flowers mood

Saya sedang dalam mood yang berbunga-bunga. Hence, the flowery post.

Flowers can instantly make you feel so much happier. They are beautiful to look at and smell good. Don't wait for someone to buy flowers for you. You deserve it, so buy them for yourself.


Bunga apa kamu suka??

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

What to do with your flower bouquets?

Answer: Make a love garden!!

Don't know? Worry no more, I'll show you how!

First, pluck the petals from your roses. Amazingly, it gives you a good feeling! Place them in a plastic basin together with other flowers you wanna dry.
Next, form a love shape with the rose petals.
You need patience to do this. It's not as easy as you think.

Arrange the other flowers based on your preferences.
(I don't know what's the name of the blue one. heh)

Finally... tadaaa~!! Your love garden!!

After this, you can either press your love garden with heavy books and frame it.
take pictures of it and send it to your loved ones.

I did the latter. *smiles*

Happy trying!!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Al-Fatihah to Hanafee's Mother

I don't know how and where to start, it's been three weeks since the last update and lots of things had happened to us, especially Hanafee.

Dear all, Hanafee's mother had passed away on the 4th Syawal, last month. I wanted to inform you people about it here but I didn't know how to write it...I was speechless, wordless. Until now I don't even know how to construct sentences to add to this paragraph. *sads*

Hence, this entry will end here.

Al-Fatihah to mama,
Allahyarhamah Halijah bt. Ahmad
(28 July 1951- 23 Sept 2009)

Wait, now I have something to say.
Mama, I know you can't read this but I know God can listen to the words in my heart.. I love your son and I will try my best to take care of him and make him happy, and be an awesome wife to him. InsyaAllah. May you bless us from above. I love you too mama.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Selamat Hari Raya!!

pictures from dallapaperie

Selamat Hari Raya from us!!
Hanafee & Sabrina
1 Syawal 1430 Hijrah
Kedah & Johor
(lokasi terperinci terpaksa dirahsiakan. Haha poyo)
Semoga kita semua dapat berjumpa lagi dengan Ramadhan akan datang. Amin.

p/s: Misi Sabrina di bulan Syawal adalah menggemukkan badan.
Harap semua beri sokongan dan bantuan nasihat. Sekian. Hehe.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

A New Kind of Fanaticsm

Today something weird happened. It wasnt that weird to me but all the people around me found it really weird that it happened. I was sitting in a review meeting of what is to be presented during a in-company training session and at which point i discovered that i had not brought a pen. With as much cool-ness s possible i reached out to a yellow pen from across the table from me and opened the cap.

What happened next caught me off guard. I was amazingly impressed by how well the pen felt in my hand. I felt like i could write the world on it. Then i realized the tip of the pen. Its like the picture above. And i loved it. After the meeting i gave the pen back, but i loved how it felt in my hand so much and how it wrote so well i actually gathered enough courage to ask.

"Saya nak pen tu boleh? Saya beli dari awak bleh tak?"

And everyone who heard me turned around and made faces. I didnt think it was weird. Then i remembered, not everyone is a writer. Not everyone writes in a journal and have found from time to time how pens can be so unreliable. How a pen that feels weird in your hands makes you feel like NOT writing. And hence my admiration for the pen or for pens in general. None the less, i didnt get the pen. I wish i had a pen just like that, but the guy told me it costs like a hundred something, which is way too much money anyone should spend on a pen. Once i have some extra money though its the first thing on my I-Want-List. Buhbye people!!!

p/s - Im sorry i havent had time to update the blog and seems like Sabrinas the only making this place a warm place to visit. None the less. Holidays are coming up and will try to write more. Sabrina should be writing the Selamat hari Raya post any day now, but if im not there when she writes it, Selamat Hari Raya people!!!!!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Things can change

I'm good with change that I can control and adapt to....
but sometimes change scares the devil out of me!!!