Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Dear Happiness

Dear Happiness,

Reading your writings sometimes can make me smile, frown, or simply being natural with no feeling. It is safe to say that deep down in my heart, I realize that I do like your style of writing (it’s just me being bitchy trying to deny and hate it). I guess it’s because you write with your heart (like what he once advised you) and since we are both girls/women, I get the point, I understand, I feel it too. Been there, done that.

I am not sure whether you are aware of me reading your writings. I am not sure who you are writing about since there’s no name, and I assumed you write bout him (sometimes) although you just wrote “friend”. Somehow I can sense that it’s him based on your clear hints here and there (I don’t mind if u want to say I am being perasan, but hey, I read into it. That’s just me. I analyze things. Wrong or not, it’s second thing).

Dear Happiness,

I just want you to know that there were times when I feel sad because you have lost him. However, there were also voices within, telling me that I should be happy for your lost (I know it’s impolite to be happy when one’s sad). I believe in karma and I think that’s it. When you take someone’s property, sooner or later you will lose it. I’ve learnt my lesson years ago. And I think that now God gives you the chance to learn it too.

Finding out your messages to him in his phone or you writing about him in your blog is a very tough moment for me (and I believe it was a tough moment for you too when you found my msgs in his phone). I’m so mad at you and sometimes I accidentally channel my rage at him and I feel bad about that later on. I don’t want to be mad at him because I know it’s not his fault you messaging or calling him (I knew he didn’t wish for that to happen). And I believe that if he messages or calls you first, it must be because of urgent or work matters and I trust him with all my heart.

Dear Happiness,

I want to thank you. Thank you for deleting my folder where he kept all my emails in his inbox years ago. (Actually I was angry when I found it out. But now I understand, probably it was just your insecure reaction when u found out about me your abang’s hidden girl. Come to think about it, you knew I exist first long before you). Nah, now I am not angry at you anymore.

I want to thank you, for taking care of him when I wasn’t there years ago. I am sure he appreciated all the things that you have done. I thank you for the past histories that we made. It’s not anyone’s fault; not you, not his and not me. It’s fate. Blaming each other won’t make things return to the past. It’s the time to let go and move on. Thank you for treating him as friend now and regarding me as friend too.

Lastly, I want to thank you, for trying to infuse the jealousy, the anger, the insecure feeling or any other uncomfortable sentiments in me (I don’t know whether you did it intentionally or not or whether you make up all the stories). Your actions not only make our (him and me) love grows stronger but it has also made us understand and stick to each other even more.

Dear Happiness,

I wish you all the best in your present and future undertakings. I believe that you are a strong girl and you can overcome all your fear and sadness by instilling joy in others life, hence that will make you happy too. Isn’t that the meaning of your name? Open your heart and mind. Smile always and remember to stay optimistic (I’m reminding myself too). Had we talked or befriended each other in our school days, something like this wouldn’t have happened in the first place, don’t you think so? However, I won’t refuse if the friendship comes between us and I am actually looking forward to that. I’m going to keep reading your writing because I can learn something, and it makes me stronger and wiser. Thank you.


p/s: Smile like you mean it. This is me being nice. *smiles*

2 comments:

m00n said...

haha..sab..great writing....aku ske sgt2 entry ni..haha..she deserve it..well,nuting 2 worry about, dear...wut goes around, comes around...hehe...

sabri zuhan said...

such an understanding type..gud gurl..