Monday, March 31, 2008

Thank you


(Happy tone coz just got back from 3 days of happiness with Fee. Hehe)

Now, see the pic? Need I say more?

Thank you Shaleen!! Sorry I figured it out this late =)

And i'd like to take this opportunity to thank my other friends too... (sorry couldnt list the names... Alamak, bile bace lagi sekali macam skema la pulak. haha.)

Thanks for the wishes, gifts, cards, messages, and phone calls.

Thank you, friends.

Also (even though most of them won't read this)

Mak, abah, angah, syirah, danial, aunts, mama and finally my darling Hanafee... thank you... so much.. for everything..

I love you, all.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

A tribute to Sabrina

For a guy like me (which ever way you want to think of it) it is hard to admit my feelings openly, ITS VERY HARD. Its my girlfriends birthday so i wrote this tribute a few days ago so i can post it here for another surprise after her class today. By the way, sayang... you are so predictable.. i knew you were gonna message me as soon as you read the blog heheh so i posted another one as soon as you did.... love you...


Dear Sayang....

I remember the first thing we did together as friends, we played a prank on all your friends because guys were hounding after you and you wanted them to know you already had someone. So we decided to tell them about me, the guy who was your guy even though you never met me before hehe... that sparked an amazing relationship, consisting of pain, hurt but above all else love. I love the fact that youre actually stronger than me, you know what you want and you go get it. Sometimes i tell you to slow down but i also know that youre a force of nature, trying to stop you is like trying to stop a hurricane or an earthquake. I like how you tell me what to do and what not to do. Because even though you know i wont do it or i wont stop doing it, you try anyway and then you shake your head as if you were dealing with a 6 year old. I love the fact that you let me be a kid and be patient with me.

She doesnt know how to hide her feelings. I remember the first gift i ever gave her she smiled as if she just graduated and got a 10000 job offer. I like it when i have something sweet to say and she looks away embarrassed as if i had just done something idiotic in front a million people when in reality, she was embarrassed at me. I like the fact that she likes playing 21 questions, even more so when we're in the cinema. So you can imagine, he we are in a cinema and she starts the game.

"Why is that like that?"
"Why jadik macam tu?"
"why that girl cakap macam tu?"
What happened?" this is my favorite hehe its like shes not even watching
"I dont like this story coz i dont understand it...."
"Eh eh why dia pukul lelaki tu??" shes already decided she doesnt like it and yet the question continues.

When i tell people this, they say im annoyed, and to a certain extent i am, but above all i like thinking about it and laughing and realize that if she wasnt who she is, then i wouldnt have love her the way i do. So what seems to be something negative, makes me love her more and counts as a positive for me.

I like how she says she okay with everything. "lets go to Times Square" she says "Okay." But as soon as we get there, she goes "alamak nanti pak long nampak (sulking face)" and we go somewhere else. She does this so often that i anticipate it everytime, sometimes i dont even park until i hear her say "alamak" and i drive her somewhere else. Everytime she feels someone is getting too close she does the stay-away-from-my-bf face. Shes gonna say "No i dont!!" but sayang admit it, you do it, its who you are and i love you for it.

She does not like losing. She once asked me to teach her to play chess so i thought okay, we bought a chess set and went to teluk cempedak and bought some nuggets to eat while we play. OK, the only way to learn chess is by playing it. So we played, but by the end of the second game that she lost, she was almost crying. That was funny. The even funnier thing about her is that she thinks every women is like her. When an aunt and her husband came to play too, and the aunt said she didnt know how to play and always lost she said "Masa makcik kalah mesti rasa macam nak nangis kan?" and the Makcik said "Eh takderlah" and again her sulking face. hehe

She assumed the makcik wanted to cry too hehhe.....

I remembered the first time she went to my home town to visit my mom and couldnt find the hospital ward. "Ward mana ni????" i said "Ward lapan, belah kiri lepas turun dari lift." she said "Takder pun.... eh eh ader ader hehehe" when i got to the ward, she was quiet and smiling. Holding my moms hand....... and i saw her.... and my heart stopped... looking at two of the most beautiful woman in my life holding each others hand.... smiling as they see me.... knowing i love them.... it made me want to cry.... it made me the happiest man alive.

My girlfriend is compassionate, friendly (sometimes too friendly for my liking), exhubirant, enthusiastic, passionate, lively, intelligent, bright and a thinker.

she tells me shes not good with words. But i love the fact that she can level me with her eyes, how she makes me feel like i can jump in front of a train and stop it to save her, how she can feel how much i love her and how she can make me feel how much she loves me.... how she looks into my eyes and scream i love u without uttering words. And how she knows i want to shout to the world the same thing.

I love the way we talk with our faces. When words are lost thats when the nose starts moving, the lips starts pouting, the cheeks starts swelling and the hands start moving and we turn into a couple of cute monkeys. Big and small...

if i have to write about everything i like about her, i would have to write a book. If i had to write about what i dont like, id have to write two books hehe... but more than that... if i have to write about her.... id have to open my heart because thats the only way i know how. To write about her i dont need a brain or my mind. i dont contextualize or analyze... i need my heart... i always tell her when you write, write with your heart... but what she doesnt know.... when i write about her... its impossible to write with anything else other than my heart. It is impossible to write without first hearing the depths and beat of my heart because the inspiration comes from how she makes my heart beat. Slow... fast... irregular... and sometimes... she makes it stop..... and with that i write this post.

This is embarrassing for me. My friends are going to read this and their gonna hound me for life and mock me for eternity..... but in truth i dont mind.... when they do mock me.... its just a reminder of how much i love my girlfriend sabrina.... i dont mind being mocked... i dont mind being teased... its for her and i dont mind.....

When youre reading this youre probably thinking this is disgusting or you could think that its sweet.... i dont know and i dont care... but for her i know... she cant wait to get to her phone after she finishes reading this post and msg me or call me and say "i love you" and ill wait for it... ill wait and when i pick up the phone... it will be because she has read this post... and before she says it ill say it first... 'I love you too and happy birthday again!!!!"

Happy birthday Sabrina

There are no words to make the world understand,
the marvel that is you,
The way you walk the way you stand,
Is just another way to be true,

Your love for words kept me alive,
Even when no one else were reading the lines,
You gave me hope,life, and love,
When nothing was left for me above,

You turned 22 today,
a day that shone as brightly as it did 22 years ago,
You gave me light you gave me day,
you gave me love like theres no tomorrow,

You found a place for me in your heart,
i found a place for you in mine,
and even though sometimes i can be hard,
you kept me close and made it fine,

You never found a place to hide,
i gave you a place to be comfortable,
we took our love onto a ride,
we had fun but also kept out of trouble,

You glow with love,
you glow with heart,
you made me remember about passion
you made remember about heart
you gave people a heart as big as a mansion
but you you live your day as if it was a start

You shine like the star,
a bright star between lunar,
sometimes to reach you it seems too far,
sometimes to reach you it seems too far....

My words are yours as it was written,
I write them for you,
Happy birthday sayang, my little kitten,
i love you, and my life is for you....


p/s - I cant wait to see you tomorrow... ill make it amazing for you...

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Take the Lead

I’ve always loved movies with dancing element in it. Step Up 1, Step Up 2, to name a few. Not mentioning that I've always wished I was a dancer. Well I was (right, Shaleen? Hehe) and now I still am… a dancer of life. =P

Well anyway, last week I watched this TAKE THE LEAD movie and yes, it’s about dance. What makes this movie different is it’s about ballroom dancing, not hip-hop style like in Step Up’s. Also, the words that came out from Dulaine’s character are so beautiful making the movie inspirational.

Now I'd like to share some of the nice phrases with you together with my own comments in blue. (I paused the movie from time to time just to jot down the words. Haha. Well, wuteva.)

Here we go..........

Dance is like a life. You need to dance for yourself, not for anyone else. (Same goes to everything we do. We do it for ourselves, because we want to. Not because other people tell us to.)
In ancient times, there was a belief that any man who could kill with speed and accuracy should be able to dance with grace as well. Ballroom dancing is for kings and empresses. It is the dance of strength, of romance and love. (Oh, now I know. Nowadays, everyone can dance it and I think every dance is dance of strength. Not just ballroom. )

Teacher:You can get whatever you want.
Student:No, only some people get the shit they want.
Teacher:That’s true. And those are the people who show up to get it.
(Haha. True, if we want something so much, we have to work hard to get it, right? Be it shit or gold. Herh. Funny.)
Whatever problems you have with each other, you can work out as partners. (Right! - Me being enthusiastic.)

Sometimes, the best way to conquer an enemy is to get right up in his face. (Hmm, right up in face? Face to face maybe? See, I knew it! Now, you have problems with me girl? Come, face to face la. =P hihi.)
Common emotions can be very powerful. (True, funny how simple feelings can lead us to unexpected opportunities or events. “I love writing” – which can make u a popular column writer. Who knows?)

Teacher: The man leads. It is the woman’s job to follow.
Student: Oh so, if he gets to lead, then he’s gonna think he’s boss?
Teacher: No, but he’s not. You see, the man proposes the step, it’s the woman’s choice to accept by following. Now, to follow takes as much strength as to lead. (See? It’s ok if we are a follower. The message is there. Direct.)

If she’s allows me to lead, she’s trusting me. But more than that, she’s trusting herself. (Hmm...ok...)

Having the courage to follow your heart is what makes a man, a real man. (U read that guys?)
Trust must be earned. (True, we cannot buy one’s trust. But can we regain the trust back once it is lost?)
You have the opportunity to use every bit of skill you possess, not to dominate her but to take her on a journey. It is a lot to ask. If and how you take the journey - that’s entirely up to you. (So guys, don’t be too dominant.)
What have I taught you has value. (If we think hard, everything that we have learnt in life, does has value. We just have to open our heart and see it.)

If you are not sure, just sit down, stay home. But if somewhere you see a dot, a glimmer of believes in yourself, then you might have what it takes to win. (Be Confident. Be brave. Hope. Believe.)
To do something, anything is hard. It’s much easier to blame your father, your mother, the environment, the government, the lack of money but even if you find a place to assign the blame, it doesn’t make the problems go away. (Yes, we shouldn’t focus on who’s to blame. Instead, how to solve the problem)
I teach dance, and with it a set of rules that will teach your kids about respect, teamwork and dignity. And that will help to give them a vision of the future they could have. (Yes, rules can teach us something. Think about it.)

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Sounds so beautiful

Everyday radars picks up a flying object which enters and leaves radars by time. Rest assured it is not a flying object but rather something from the past. A sad reminder of a time when two powerful nations challenged each other and then boldly raced into outer space. What would be the next thing for us to challenge? That makes us go farther and work harder?

Did you know that when the smallpox was eradicated it was considered the single greatest humanitarian achievement of the century? Surely we can do it again. As we in the time when our eyes looked towards the heavens and with outstretched fingers, we touched the face of god. A reminder for absent friends and to those who are here now.

Salaam Maulidur Rasul

Salaam Maulidur Rasul 1429H 2008H !

Don't know what else to say so i'll just post a Nasyeed.
Enjoy and sing along!

Popular Nasyeed in Malaysia during Maulidur-Rasul

Tercipta satu lembaran sejarah
Di tanah suci Kota Mekah
Hari yang mulia penuh saa'adah
Bermulalah sebuah kisah

Malam isnin subuh yang indah
Dua belas rabiul'awal yang cerah
Dua puluh april tahun gajah
Lahirlah zuriat yang saa'adah

Abdullah nama bapanya
Siti Aminah ibunya
Riang gembira menyambutnya
Lahirnya putra yang utama

Muhammad nama diberi
Gelaran yang terpuji
Nikmat Illahi sama disyukuri
Terima putra yang berbakti

Keadaan yatim anak mulia
Lahirnya bawa cahaya
Alam derita jadi gembira
Terima junjungan mulia

Translation to the nasheed:

It has been created this history,
At the holy land of Makkah
What a holy day full of happiness
This tale thus began.

On the Monday eve, on an enchanting dawn
On a bright day of 12 Rabiul Awal
20 April, in the Year of Elephant,
A child was born, such happiness

Abdullah was his father's name
Siti Aminah was his mother
Full of joy and happiness at his birth
On receiving a remarkable son

Muhammad was his given name
The most praised one that is the meaning
All were very grateful to Allah's blessings
On receiving a son full of good deeds

Raised as an orphan this Holy son
His birth radiated lights
The gloomy world became glorious
On receiving the holy one

Monday, March 17, 2008

Chin up!

Good morning! Good afternoon! Good evening!

Let's face the day with the big smile on our face!
(Coz mom said, bangun muke monyok tutup pintu rezeki. hehe)

Don't worry about the past problems

Perhaps today we can do things better!

Who knows
maybe today we can solve the problems that have been bothering us?

Come, think of the bright side!


Be happy!

And don't give up!

Aja aja fighting!
(like in korean series? Is it korean? Dunno. I Forgot)

Be optimistic!

Who knows maybe today we can get lucky!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

His version

High school

Sapa wei?
A girl i met online.....(smsing)
Lelaki ka pompuan???
Kan aku dah cakap tadi, perempuan, girl, hang ni...
Mana hang tau dia pompuan??
dah dia habaq kat aku...
Mana tau kalau dia tipu
.....(thinking)....(damn) hang ni B**ilah jon.... saja nak bagi aku cuak...
dak lah aku saja ja nak jaga hang hahahahha (evil laugh)


Summer ni saper hah???
An online friend... we met a year ago.
Sudah... tak reti-reti nak duduk diam tak abih abih menggatal
Shes a friend lah ..... takkan itu pun nak mengamok...
Ehh awak tu dah ada gf boleh tak jangan nak mengada-ngada dengan perempuan lain?
Saper kater sayer ader gf?? heheheh memain jgnlah marah heheh
Tgk tu melawak tak abih... pegilah jadi badut keja perempuan internet awak tu!!!!

*gets home alone*

just finished dinner my girl...
You must be tired..
yeah a bit... keep me company till i sleep (actual meaning - "i wish you were here")
I miss you
I miss you too..


I need us to take a break (she found out, she wants me to leave)
*crying* Why? what did i do wrong? Do you have someone else there?
She was always around and we've never met... ( God kill me now!!!)

*another girl*

I know her, i know what shes like... she'll never stop until she gets what she wants....
Look she doesnt want me ok? (God that must be the biggest lie ive ever told anyone)
what else does she do>?? does she email you??? do you guys still chat? i want you to stop, i want you to leave her....
I cant do that... that just wrong... She knows everything about me.... (bad move)
Oh so now youre telling me shes knows you better than i do???
No.... (another lie)
Shes just been with me longer thats all (dude lie already shes gonna hate you)
Okay you choose then me or her.... coz if you dont choose im leaving...
whyd you do that? Ive never said anything like that to you..... *serious face* Say what you want, im not leaving her, shes been too "there" for me.... shes been "there" since as long as i can remember and im not asking her to leave.....

Pre-relationship date

Can i hold you when we meet???
Tak boleh... sentuh sesama bukan muhrim tu hukuman dier nanti kulit akan dihiris pedang
Erk??? Okay... herh

*day of date*
Im sorry i talk too much... i talk too much when im nervous...
Youre nervous?
Off course i am... here i am on a date with a girl i met online 2 and a half years ago and shes already has this fixation that im the coolest guy and living up to that expectation is really REALLY hard and im nervous.....
*stares at him*
Nothing... i like listening to you... keep talking...

*that night*

thank you for everything....
No... thank YOU for everything...
We should do this again..
yeah we should.... soon...
You sure youre ready for more of me???
Herh... i think im gonna get better at this as we go on...

*2nd date*

remember when you asked me "can i keep you?"
Yeah of course its from that casper movie heheheh
Yeah i know..... *takes a deep breath*
can i keep you>?? Can i make you mine?
Will you be my girlfriend? (I hope she says yes...)
Are you serious???
Yes.... (God shes gonna say no...)
*holds hands and kisses his hands*
You dont know how long i've waited for that question.....

Currently dating

Arent you worried our children are gonna find us different and might consider one of us like jahat because the other doesnt understand... i dont want them to think im jahat and i dont want them to think youre jahat *sulking face*
*i think its cute she thinks that far ahead* Dont worry... whatever the problem... we'll work it out... we always do remember??
*smiles from ear to ear* Yes we do!!!

I think the best things in life doesnt come from hiding what you feel. But from realizing it. realizing the idea of who you really love... whether someone is company... or soulmate... company or soulmate... im glad she never let go.... im glad she held on... and even though it has been hard for her... ill make things better for her from now on.. smiles and kisses only nothing less than that hehe...

Her Version

Phase 1 (High School)

Why do u still keep in touch with him?
Why? Whats wrong with that?
Come to think of this? You two haven’t met, who knows maybe he’s blind? Only has one leg?
Hello? How come he can chat with me on net? And he said he plays basketball!
Hmm… ok…maybe he’s OLD!! A way too old and he’s pretending he’s young! Perhaps he’s stupid!
No, he’s not stupid…his emails in English! And He’s 18. I am confident he told the truth.
That’s the problem! So naive. You easily trust strangers! Perhaps he copy and paste! Who knows?
*sulky face*
Just be careful k, Summer?
Wei, entah entah kan, perempuan tu juling atau bisu!
Eish.. takda lah. Hang ni merepek lah.
Entah-entah dier dah ade boyfriend.
*thinking* Maybe…
Hang caya ka dia tu?
You guys don’t know her. I know.

Phase 2 (Matriculation)
I fall head over heals for someone else. I took time to tell you. I am sorry.*sad* Ok. (Since they never met) Can I keep you?
Just got back from dinner with girlfriend.Oh. You must be tired.
Yeah. Kind of. Accompany me till I’m asleep?
I miss you.
I miss you too.

Phase 4 (University 1st year)

I need us to take a break.*crying* Why? What did I do wrong? You have someone else there.
I am sorry… she was always around. We never met.-------------------------------------------
Am I losing you?
Do u wanna lose me?
No… You have been the only one constant thing in my life. You are like the mama penguin. And me the papa penguin.
Hmmm?Male penguin will have many mates in life… but he will always come back to the first female penguin at the end of the day.*smiles* hehe. I miss you.
I miss you too.

Phase 5 (University 2nd year)

Lets meet?
Our first meeting? First date?Maybe. *smiles*I am nervous. We haven’t met before.
Me too.--------------------------------------------------------------------
Can’t believe this is our second date.Me too.
Would you like to be my mine?For real?
For real.
*smiles* I would love to.

Currently, I can't get rid of this song out of my head. Somehow I feel like the lyrics suit us! hehe.

Nah, enjoy!

Bleeding love by dunno Leona Lewis

Closed off from love - I didn’t need the pain - Once or twice was enough - And it was all in vain - Time starts to pass - Before you know it you’re frozen - But something happened - For the very first time with you - My heart melts into the ground - Found something true - And everyone’s looking round - Thinking I’m going crazy - But I don’t care what they say - I’m in love with you - They try to pull me away - But they don’t know the truth - My heart’s crippled by the vein - That I keep on closing - You cut me open and I Keep bleeding - Keep, keep bleeding love - I keep bleeding - I keep, keep bleeding love - Keep bleeding - Keep, keep bleeding love - You cut me open - Trying hard not to hear - But they talk so loud - Their piercing sounds fill my ears - Try to fill me with doubt - Yet I know that the goal - Is to keep me from falling - But nothing’s greater - Than the rush that comes with your embrace - And in this world of loneliness - I see your face - Yet everyone around me - Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe - And it’s draining all of me - Oh they find it hard to believe - I’ll be wearing these scars - For everyone to see

p/s: soundtrack kisah kite. hehehe. geli hati pulak.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Rage a sequel

Summer i read your blog and i like it a lot. So much so that i thought of writing about it too. so here is what i think of the matter of rage.

Everybody gets angry from time to time. Its normal and natural and sometimes its good because repressed anger can lead to mental instability and and whats even worst is that we hurt the people close to us. My friend has rage issues. Ive heard him talk on the phone to his girlfriend and he doesnt sound like he's talking to a girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, i'm no angel myself, ask my girlfriend there has been time when i make her scared, when i make her feel like she doesn't know me, and those are the things that people feel when we get angry.

Being angry is not cool. Talk about stating the obvious huh?? herh. Getting angry hurts. It does. It hurts us, and the people around us and it hurts because anger is the closest thing to hate. So lets talk about how to make it less terrifying then it already is. okay?? for guys and girls.

Girls - remember that you girls are emotional. So much so that sometimes you rationalize other peoples anger. You justify it. You say its okay. and that is wrong. well let me ask you this question? Does he ever apologize? well if he does apologize you can look think that he has some trouble controlling it and in the future hopefully he will learn to control it. He might even succeed but what is more important is what reason does he give you. If he tells you he just got angry and he doesn't know why, and he over-reacted, then thats a good answer or any truthful answer would be a good answer. A bad answer to indicate he's nuts is this.. "Because im only comfortable being myself to you... you wont judge me even if im angry, other people would hate me if i am ever angry to them... you make it okay to be myself... to let you see everything... because im comfortable with you..."

Yeah i know. sweet answer right? But also the wrong answer. Girls if this is the your guys answer to you then maybe you ought to start thinking about the future.

Guys - Its okay to get angry/jealous/annoyed at times. trust me you need those things especially when youre in love with a girl who finds that everything in the world is good and nothing is bad. You're going to have to get angry sometimes to show that you're serious about some things. But more importantly because anger is also a test. "To what extent can she stand me? am being too angry?? lets see how far i can go".... i believe that womens greatest strength is the fact that MOST of them are patient and will love you no matter how much you look or act like a monkey. She'll love you, she might say "stop scratching your ass in public" or "pull your pants up i can see your butt-crack!!!!" but she'll love you for that and many other imperfections shes bound to find. This is what i think, get angry if that anger is what you feel. Then explain to her why you did it and give her a chance to tell you why your anger was not justified. Why? because in the end, she tolerates who you are. What you do.. shes okay with it.. so give her that opportunity to explain her self and then explain yourself.

I do this, i think to myself every time im angry, that i was lucky enough to be loved by a wonderful girl who loves me with all my imperfections, i don't want to lose it, because one day shes going to realize all this hurt and pain of getting shouted and screamed at gets boring and shes gonna leave. Every chance i get, i try to make my girlfriend laugh and that is like almost ALL THE TIME hehe but when i am angry, i feel guilty so i know i have to explain it to her why i did it or why i said it. because she deserves that.

Girls - Rage and anger is the main cause for spousal abuse. REMEMBER THIS!!! IF HE GETS ANGRY AT YOU NOW AS A GIRLFRIEND, HE MIGHT ONE DAY RESORT TO HITTING YOU BECAUSE HE'S FRUSTRATED. Disagree??? a few weeks ago me and my friends were waking home from a basketball game and we saw a couple fighting we smiled thinking it was normal (it was pathetic cause it was in public but still normal) we ignored it. Then the guy slapped his girlfriend, we were shocked and ran to him and held him back as he was kicking his leg towards her so Din did what every man can and should be allowed to do when you see a man hitting a woman, he punched him. i pushed him back and he was defensive. So i held him back and i said to him "I'm gonna let you go, if you go after her, ill break your legs into two.."

Then we talked to the girl while the guy sat like a few meters away and asked what was the problem. Small thing, She didn't answer his calls cause she was asleep. and guess what??? he always hits her. they've been together for three years and she thinks its because he loves her.


remember don't be reckless with other people's heart, don't put up with people who reckless with yours.

Anger can turn into violence. Dont let it girls. Make him understand you love him but youre not going to allow him to hurt you physically.

GUYS - A guy has only a few things to do in life. Pray to your god, honor your parents, love your wife, provide for your family, and be patient as much as you can. A man is only a true man when he is able to withdraw his anger in the most depressing situation. Keeping calm and keeping cool. trust me when i say the whole "I'm-cool-cause-I-have-a-lot-of-anger-in-me-that-i-need-to-let-out-with-hitting-the-wall-unti- my-hands-get-bloody-like-I'm-in-a-movie" is just plain idiotic nowadays. A punch is only worth throwing when everything else has failed and only to another guy. Be patient because it takes more strength to withhold a punch rather than throw a punch.

GIRLS - Please oh please have your self-worth intact. Don't let any guy treat you like dirt. Don't let any guy treat you like crap. "i'm comfortable enough with you to show you my anger" is idiocy. I'm comfortable with my girlfriend only to kisses her forehead before i leave her. Not to scream and shout at her. I ALMOST NEVER raise my voice. ehem ehem "see sayang im not that bad hehe"

we told the girl to leave and we told the guy that if he ever comes back, he's going to need to check his attitude then din slapped him again a few times, if you ever treat any other women like this, we'll take you to hell and leave you there ourselves.

Anger is normal. But like almost everything that is natural, Anger needs to be portioned. Like lust. Too much lust is bad, but no lust is just as bad. Too much love is bad..... wait no i was wrong... i can never have too much love heheh... you get the picture. Anger is needed to show seriousness but never to be used as a tool of possessing and controlling.

Guys.... be patient... she deserves it... she loves you.. i mean have you looked at yourself lately, your not even that good looking and your not even that smart... even if you are smart... youre NOT PERFECT.... but she loves you.... so the very least... be patient with her.... she deserves at least that....

Girls... there is no excuse for excessive anger. It is just wrong. There is no way to justify it. If your boyfriend gets angry or jealous... let him know you love him and let him know you'll try to change. (given that he convinced you that you did something wrong) but if the anger is not justified. If he gets angry at small things. Tell him to go cool down. And when it gets to a point where everyone is telling you to let go... hold on for a while longer... he might be worth it... but as soon as you feel... i love him but i cant keep on living like this.... leave... its probably the best thing that happened to him cause he's going to realize his mistake and change.

I used to be a very angry person. I hated life. I hated everyone in it. When my dad died, i thought i was being left behind and anger was the only way to hide the fact that i was actually... lonely... guys.... being angry doesn't help ease the pain of insecurity and it doesn't help ease the fear of being alone. It doesn't. trust me. Being angry is fine but being angry all the time is going to drain you out of wanting love and live slowly. You'll die alone and bitter if you let the anger engulf you. Be patient, take a deep breath, take a step back, sit down, AMIK AIR SEMAYANG KALAU PERLU, and think rationally. Life is too short to spend it all being angry, girls life is too short too spend it being screamed at. Lets all put anger aside. Men or Women. put it aside as much as we can and we'll be fine. By the Way the whole PMS thing is like a freak of nature. My advice when you see it coming.... run far far far away... its like a hurricane there's no use fighting it hehehe TRUST ME I KNOW hehe....

Anyways, live life to the fullest and to do that... you need to.. well like the words of my wonderful co-writer in this blog "Smile like you mean it :)"

Friday, March 14, 2008

Female Rage

I turn your face around! It is my face.
That frozen rage is what I must explored –
Oh secret, self-enclosed, and ravaged place!
This is the gift I thank Medusa for.
-May Sarton-
I am currently reading this book.

The authors of the book issue a wake-up call to every woman: Rage is part of who we are. Know it, understand it and use it.

I don’t think there’s a book about MALE RAGE out there. And I wonder why. Maybe because there’s no one to write about it or maybe guys don’t have anger issue. But I doubt the latter since I’ve known quite a few male who don’t seem to know how to control their temper (eg: While driving or waiting). But well… it’s just a small number. And so, if there’s any male reader, please do comment on this. Why Male Rage book is not in market?

I believe rage is part of every man and woman. Not just female, but male. And so I agree with the authors but with a twist that we (male and female), have to know Anger, understand Anger, and use Anger (in positive way).

The book shows how rage can actually become a catalyst for the transformation both of the self and society. Rage is a gateway to self-assertion, psychological development and emotional well-being.

Dear girls (since I knew most of this blog readers are my girl friends… hehe),

Rage is an emotion no woman can control (especially when PMS =P); but what we can learn to control is our behavior and response. The initial anger is merely a physical release of emotion, the beginning of process by which a woman can later right or wrong, take care of herself, or turn a lethal weapon into an instrument of power.

I am writing this post about anger so that I can learn how to control my anger (ye la kan, saye ni jarang marah, senyum je, but bile sekali marah, teruk pulak org kene. hehe). So why not, kite belajar bersama-sama, lelaki nak belajar pun boleyh. This RAGE issue is universal after all.

By exploring our history and understanding the realities of our rage, we can begin to understand the powerful weapon we posses, how to use this lethal weapon and train it accurately to channel it’s aggressive surge. (Don’t play play, lethal weapon tu. Hehe.)

Alright see you in next post! I will continue to blog about this RAGE issue later.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The End

I can see that suddenly some of your previous posts are not there in your blog anymore. Did you delete them? I dunno why but I will take that as the end of our sad stories. I see that as something positive. I believe it’s a win-win situation.

Thank you for everything, Happiness.

I believe it is all over now. I want peace. He wants peace. I am sure you want peace too.

No more hatred. No more virtual war. We have to move on, and smile, and mean it.

I did what I did not because I hate you, but because I love him. I love him so much and I want you to know that. I don’t hate you. I just hate the things that you did.

I’ve loved him long before I met him. I’ve always loved him. Always. I’m sorry that you didn’t know what you had till it’s gone. He tried his best to make you happy. 16 months ago he did love you. He did.

But now he loves me more, and he loves me longer.

Take care.

p/s: I am sorry if my writings did hurt you in some way and I have forgiven you too (It’s ok if you think you did nothing wrong. I understand.)

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Dear Happiness

Dear Happiness,

Reading your writings sometimes can make me smile, frown, or simply being natural with no feeling. It is safe to say that deep down in my heart, I realize that I do like your style of writing (it’s just me being bitchy trying to deny and hate it). I guess it’s because you write with your heart (like what he once advised you) and since we are both girls/women, I get the point, I understand, I feel it too. Been there, done that.

I am not sure whether you are aware of me reading your writings. I am not sure who you are writing about since there’s no name, and I assumed you write bout him (sometimes) although you just wrote “friend”. Somehow I can sense that it’s him based on your clear hints here and there (I don’t mind if u want to say I am being perasan, but hey, I read into it. That’s just me. I analyze things. Wrong or not, it’s second thing).

Dear Happiness,

I just want you to know that there were times when I feel sad because you have lost him. However, there were also voices within, telling me that I should be happy for your lost (I know it’s impolite to be happy when one’s sad). I believe in karma and I think that’s it. When you take someone’s property, sooner or later you will lose it. I’ve learnt my lesson years ago. And I think that now God gives you the chance to learn it too.

Finding out your messages to him in his phone or you writing about him in your blog is a very tough moment for me (and I believe it was a tough moment for you too when you found my msgs in his phone). I’m so mad at you and sometimes I accidentally channel my rage at him and I feel bad about that later on. I don’t want to be mad at him because I know it’s not his fault you messaging or calling him (I knew he didn’t wish for that to happen). And I believe that if he messages or calls you first, it must be because of urgent or work matters and I trust him with all my heart.

Dear Happiness,

I want to thank you. Thank you for deleting my folder where he kept all my emails in his inbox years ago. (Actually I was angry when I found it out. But now I understand, probably it was just your insecure reaction when u found out about me your abang’s hidden girl. Come to think about it, you knew I exist first long before you). Nah, now I am not angry at you anymore.

I want to thank you, for taking care of him when I wasn’t there years ago. I am sure he appreciated all the things that you have done. I thank you for the past histories that we made. It’s not anyone’s fault; not you, not his and not me. It’s fate. Blaming each other won’t make things return to the past. It’s the time to let go and move on. Thank you for treating him as friend now and regarding me as friend too.

Lastly, I want to thank you, for trying to infuse the jealousy, the anger, the insecure feeling or any other uncomfortable sentiments in me (I don’t know whether you did it intentionally or not or whether you make up all the stories). Your actions not only make our (him and me) love grows stronger but it has also made us understand and stick to each other even more.

Dear Happiness,

I wish you all the best in your present and future undertakings. I believe that you are a strong girl and you can overcome all your fear and sadness by instilling joy in others life, hence that will make you happy too. Isn’t that the meaning of your name? Open your heart and mind. Smile always and remember to stay optimistic (I’m reminding myself too). Had we talked or befriended each other in our school days, something like this wouldn’t have happened in the first place, don’t you think so? However, I won’t refuse if the friendship comes between us and I am actually looking forward to that. I’m going to keep reading your writing because I can learn something, and it makes me stronger and wiser. Thank you.

p/s: Smile like you mean it. This is me being nice. *smiles*

Wednesday, March 5, 2008


I just realized that my black umbrella is not in it's place.

I checked near my locker. Not there.

I checked next to the shoe rack. Not there.

Where the hell is my black umbrella?

Who took my umbrella?


Now is raining season. =(

I can't go to class without my black umbrella.

The red one is too small. =(

Tuesday, March 4, 2008


At some point, we have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence us in.

Life is messy, that's how we're made. We can waste our life drawing lines or we can live our life crossing them.

But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here's what I know. If we're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side... is spectacular.

It's all about lines. The finish line at the end of residency, waiting in line for a ticket at the counter, and then there’s the most important line, the line separating us from the people we live with.

We need boundaries - between us and the rest of the world. Other people are far too messy. It’s all about lines... drawing lines in the sand and praying like hell no one crosses them.

In general, lines are there for a reason. For security, for clarity. If we choose to cross the line, we pretty much do so at our own risk.

So why is it that the bigger the line, the greater the temptation to cross it? We can’t help ourselves. When we see a line, we want to cross it. Maybe it’s the thrill of the unfamiliar, a sort of personal dare.

The only problem is once that we’ve crossed, it’s almost impossible to go back. But, if we do manage to make it back across the line, we find safety in numbers.

p/s: I draw the pic. hehe.