Monday, February 25, 2008

Short Story Part 1

I lay on the couch that was dusty an old. I remember it being in my family for centuries and it was good coming home to something familiar. I took out my phone and called her up.

"I just got home.." i said gently, she could sense the tiredness in my voice.
"I love you.." she said trailing that melancholic way it always does.
"I love you too..." intense yet a hint of tiredness in my words.

I placed the phone down on a livingroom table beside me and i lifted my right arm to cover my eyes as i thought about the drive and how close i got to meeting death. When i closed my eyes, the vision of the 3 tonne truck squeezing me against the road divider woke me up shaken. I opened my eyes and sat up and leaned against the couch. I searched my pocket and pulled out a cig and lit it on fire and huffed. My hands shaking, i was shaken yet i wasnt scared. Then my phone rang. i picked it up thinking "Its like 4 oclock in the morning, who could be calling at this hour?"

"Hello..." a familiar voice that shook me, similar to how the 3 tonne truck shook me....
"Hey..."
"I heard you were back in town, i thought i'd give you a call, your brother said you just got home."
"yeah barely half an hour ago." I said with a little indication that i was in no mood to continue the conversation.
"What can i help you with?" I asked sounding like a bell-boy in hotel.
"I was just wondering if you're happy thats all."
"I'm doing fine for the moment, but things will get better." I said
"How is she?" a question that somehow invoked anger.
"She's great." I said again sounded uninterested in the conversation.
Then hell broke lose as she uttered her next words.

"Do you love her?"

................................................................................................................................................................
All my life i have spent it trying to find something in my life that does make sense. Between all the praises on how my brain works like a rubber band (bent and yet strong) and how im a born leader, i have never ever seem to find how it all added up in my life. How did my parents convince themselves that i was their smartest son? How did they convince my brothers? Because i dont think they convinced me. I dont think im the smartest of all four. I dont think im even smart. For me all of those things were absurd. Their level of confidence was absurd. The idea was absurd. I can never be as intelligent or as capable as my father or my second older brother, it is like a fact of life. Similar to how lions kill weaker animals for food. I was the food, my father and my older brother were the lions.

The only thing that made sense to me was being in love with her, she made things so easy and i loved her for everything she has done for me.

........................................................................................................................................................................

"I dont think thats an appropriate question for you to be asking me." i said coldly.
"I want you back." she said quivering, shivering as if she was cold.
"I dont want to go back."
"I need you..."
"You needed the idea of me."
"No i needed you, i have always needed you and only you..."
"No..... you liked that idea of an amazing capable male A student. The prospect, the genius of the academic world, the capable leader, the amazing poet, the hopeless romantic... but never me... you never even knew me... what i wanted... what i needed... i was there to fulfill your needs, and you were there to ask for more and give nothing..." Angered my voice raised a bit.
"I love you, no one can ever love you like i do... no one ever will..."

I lit up another cig and huffed the dirty smoked air out of my lungs looking up, refusing to get into another debate about emotion.

"Look, i left because you wanted me to, now, whether you like or not, whether you need me or not, im no longer yours. And i need you to accept that...."
"She cant love you like i did and i do you know..." she said trying to convince me.
"You dont know her, dont talk about her as if she's your best friend or something." Anger
"She just cant, shes too busy getting all the things she wants, she'll never realize what she has.."
"You dont know that..." for once i feared if there were truth in her words.
"I do, i know it well, i was like her.."
"shes not like you, you dont know, I KNOW!" i raised my voice slightly higher.
"You'll lose her and me...and youll regret it..."
"There are some mistakes... i would gladly make.." I said cynically.

A moment of awkward silence before she continued.

"I cant live without you.."
"You'll be fine... i gotta go... its been a long drive and im just tired..."
"You're not going to think about it?"
"No..."
"Ok then... remember i still love you... good night..."
"Good night..." I hung up.

I stared out the glass doors concealing my living room from the world. I huffed more smoke into the air.....

And i should light a fire upon the blood soaked moon....
So i can sleep better and well and wake up....
my end is coming later maybe soon....
yet ill leave it to fate to listen up.....
and then i shall light a fire upon the fangs that fall short....
So i need not see that star....
so it shall not tear this throat of mine...
even if it does....
ill choose the fangs that chooses to do so....

-the end-

p/s - i thought about writing this story when i was driving back to my hometown a few days ago heheh i just added some drama and a climax and try to write it as beautifully as possible... Summer/sayang this is not about us ok???? hehehe i love you....

1 comment:

Summer said...

i like the symbolic of this story..

and i don't like the girl in this fiction story.

ape kes tepon boyfriend orang pepagi bute? desperate ek?

hahaha.

=P