Big Jigsaw Puzzle

I grew up with a heart that wanted to love the whole world. It was great... at times it was very painful... some other moments I felt numb. At one point in my life. I decided to give up on my heart. I decided to give up on my feelings. I separated my emotions and lived a cold unhappy life. I became selfish, I became the most self centered person anyone could know, I became cold, I was lost, drifting away in non special moments, and made life miserable for those around me.

But one day, I decided to pick up the pieces of broken little me. It was tough and difficult. Because I had broken myself into very little pieces, I was everywhere. And sometimes I couldn’t find the pieces to fit myself back. At times I almost gave up. Because it was just too hard. Along the way, I was guided to find these broken pieces. There were a lot of people who supported me, who never once, gave up on me no matter what.

And I thought to myself. Even others don’t give up on me. Why am I giving up on myself? Why torture my own self? And then. I had a 180 degrees change of mind. I continued my search. But with a different outlook. I felt excited, I felt eager, and looking for these broken pieces became a challenge instead. And the search goes on... even until today.

And every time I find a piece of myself, there's a sigh of relief. A beautiful moment that I share and celebrate with everyone around me. Sometimes, I blind myself. I pretend not to find that piece. I deny that it’s my piece. Then I think again, why deny me? And so I turn to acceptance, accepting that little piece that perhaps I hate so much. Sometimes I blind myself again, and I have people around me, who found my special piece, and I am ever so grateful for such moments in my life.

And then one day. I found all the pieces to my heart. And that was a moment in my life that I would never ever forget. Because of that day, I am truly blessed. From time to time, my heart will break, again, because this is life, where nothing is perfect, but because of that special day... I will never ever again... give up on my heart. I’m still looking for my other pieces. I’ll look forever, until there's no tomorrow to look for.

Because... my life is a jigsaw puzzle... a big one... putting it all together until I breathe my last breath. And to those around me, I’d like to acknowledge u for being a part of my jigsaw puzzle.

I thank u.