Secret to happiness

I know the secret to happiness. I've always known it but I don't always remember it. Stupid.

When I remember it, I follow it. And that's when I am trully happy. Do you want to know what it is? It's not that difficult to figure out. Maybe hard to follow, but not hard to figure out.

My life is like a carousel. Going round and round at the same place. Many honour me with their presence but they leave when they had their fun. Still I go round and round, still looking. Sometimes I find someone who says that they want to stay. But after awhile, they leave. Or they pretend to want to stay, but you know the carnival music and sinister statues scare them off. And you are all alone again, trying hard to keep going, trying hard to keep the lights twinkling.

The secret to happiness is to not care. I cared so much and that is why I am unhappy. Maybe to not care sounds a bit too harsh. Let's say, the secret to happiness is to have no expectations. From anyone or anything. Then you will truly be happy.

This is a tried and tested method. For awhile, after being broken for so many times, I stopped caring. My music and lights went on but only for myself. For what I want to achieve. For what I want to be.

After a while, I got distracted by a few with promises. I forget to remember the secret. Then I started turning for them. Twinkling for them. Playing music for them. And not for myself. Again. And again I was broken. And was unhappy.

Stupid.

I said before that the best way to live is with a wall around your heart. And with no expectations. Let is go. Let it flow. Then you will be happy. Stop hoping. And only help yourself. Because that's what everyone else is doing. Helping only themselves.

Everytime I get my wall up, someone comes and smashes it down. I don't know why I let it happen. Maybe the wall wasn't strong enough because I love being "in love". Or as someone says, the idea of being in love. Or maybe I help them smash it down. Because there is no bigger fool than I when it comes to "being in love".

Stupid.

This is the third time I say this. That the wall is coming back up. And hopefully it stays. If I were to find again, I want them to climb the wall. To scale it. Hurt themselves doing it. And prove to me how far they will go. Then maybe I will try and meet them halfway. Maybe not. And to remember the secret of happiness, to have no expectations. To laugh at them while the try to climb. To expect nothing, no, the worst when they can't even get halfway.

Along the way, tonnes of people will try to blame you. Many more will try to pacify you.

It's gonna be all about me. Again.

Afterall, I said it before. The secret to happiness is to not care.

I know that once I start caring, this whole thing will probably slide down the monsoon drain and be lost forever. And once again I will be broken.

So tell me. Why should I start caring about you? Do whateva you wanna do.