Monday, March 26, 2007

not just a fantasy

He only comes out late at night, just like a vampire in the moonlight. He wrapped up tight in mystery.He’s got her so fogged in... That she can’t even see. Her frens say she’s caught up in fairy tales, beautiful pain and dreams. And she confesses, with him it feels like real. Cos he’s a fantasy, no, he’s not just a fantasy, he’s darling to her. Does she really think she sees him in the moonlight? Really wanna hold him ‘because it feels right. Last night she swore she heard him call her name. Crawled through her window, took her hand and stole her away. Went to the drive-in, speeding like a runaway train.Woke up and smelled his scent in the morning rain. Woke up this morning, couldn’t get him out of her head. Really wanna see him tonight…Really wanna see you, sleep tight.

O God

She hides her pain like the rest of them…That's why she’s always laughing…she’s troubled, she’s brillant and miserable too…That's why she’s so funny…she swallow down all her fears…With a bottle made of silver…she’s only been here for 20 years…But already her life is over…her life is like a fairytale…That nobody believes in…she can't remember anything…Not the people, not that places she has been"…Just one more day you can make it babe"…That's what she tells herself…And everything that she loves in life…It is killing her, coz it's bad for her health…And she needs to unwind…And she wants all the time…To be loved, to unwind~~

tired - yet i cant sleep
wounded - yet i cant weep
sinful - yet i cant pray
o god hear the words i cant say
certain - yet im afraid
leaving - yet ive stayed
faithful - yet untrue
sorrowful - yet not sad
happy - and yet not glad
searching - yet i didnt know the way
o god cant you please teach and lead me day by day?

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

life is wonderful

It takes a crane to build a crane
it takes 2 floors to make a story
it takes an egg to make a hen
it takes a hen to make an egg
there is no end to what I am saying

it takes a thought to make a word
and it takes some words to make an action
and it takes some works to make it work
it takes some good to make it hurt
it takes some bad for satisfaction

it takes a night to make it dawn
and it takes a day to make u yawn,brother.
And it takes some more to make u young
and it takes some cold to know the sun
it takes the one to hav the other

and it takes no time to fall in love
but it takes u years to know wat love is
and it takes ur fears to makes u trust
it takes those tears to make it rust
it takes the dust to have it polished

it takes some silence to make sound
it takes a lost before u found it
it takes a road to go nowhere
it takes a toll to make u care
it takes a whole to make a mountain

ha la la la la la life is wonderful
ha la la la la la life grows for circle
ha la la la la la life is wonderful
ha la la la la la life is meaningful…

Monday, March 19, 2007


We have talked on the computers for what it seems like years
Although we’ve never met, our friendship is true
Talking to you seems like the natural thing to do
I hope and pray that before my life ends
I shall meet face to face with you
To share some warm memories, laughs, hugs and tears
And maybe
If God allows it
A few more wonderful years

The end.

Thank God, they finally met each other =P I “Awesome” you. Well, I am reminiscing the old memories here. Hehe.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Secret to happiness

I know the secret to happiness. I've always known it but I don't always remember it. Stupid.

When I remember it, I follow it. And that's when I am trully happy. Do you want to know what it is? It's not that difficult to figure out. Maybe hard to follow, but not hard to figure out.

My life is like a carousel. Going round and round at the same place. Many honour me with their presence but they leave when they had their fun. Still I go round and round, still looking. Sometimes I find someone who says that they want to stay. But after awhile, they leave. Or they pretend to want to stay, but you know the carnival music and sinister statues scare them off. And you are all alone again, trying hard to keep going, trying hard to keep the lights twinkling.

The secret to happiness is to not care. I cared so much and that is why I am unhappy. Maybe to not care sounds a bit too harsh. Let's say, the secret to happiness is to have no expectations. From anyone or anything. Then you will truly be happy.

This is a tried and tested method. For awhile, after being broken for so many times, I stopped caring. My music and lights went on but only for myself. For what I want to achieve. For what I want to be.

After a while, I got distracted by a few with promises. I forget to remember the secret. Then I started turning for them. Twinkling for them. Playing music for them. And not for myself. Again. And again I was broken. And was unhappy.


I said before that the best way to live is with a wall around your heart. And with no expectations. Let is go. Let it flow. Then you will be happy. Stop hoping. And only help yourself. Because that's what everyone else is doing. Helping only themselves.

Everytime I get my wall up, someone comes and smashes it down. I don't know why I let it happen. Maybe the wall wasn't strong enough because I love being "in love". Or as someone says, the idea of being in love. Or maybe I help them smash it down. Because there is no bigger fool than I when it comes to "being in love".


This is the third time I say this. That the wall is coming back up. And hopefully it stays. If I were to find again, I want them to climb the wall. To scale it. Hurt themselves doing it. And prove to me how far they will go. Then maybe I will try and meet them halfway. Maybe not. And to remember the secret of happiness, to have no expectations. To laugh at them while the try to climb. To expect nothing, no, the worst when they can't even get halfway.

Along the way, tonnes of people will try to blame you. Many more will try to pacify you.

It's gonna be all about me. Again.

Afterall, I said it before. The secret to happiness is to not care.

I know that once I start caring, this whole thing will probably slide down the monsoon drain and be lost forever. And once again I will be broken.

So tell me. Why should I start caring about you? Do whateva you wanna do.

Realist and idealist

To love more than once, at about the same time, is a sign of uncertainty.Only those who want to be loved as much as they love would understand the numbing pain that comes along amidst the confusion. Because of the naivety of Trust.

People seem to be attracted to that which fulfil their needs. They may fall for more than one person at almost the same time, but never the same amount of feelings. To keep one another in the dark only heightens the thrill of the forbidden fruit, thus prolonging the unpleasant confrontation with reality — Choice.

After the procrastination, guilt creeps up with a heavy tug in the heart. The difficulty of the evaluation will depend on the emotional investments made in the parties involved. Therein lies the difference between the realist and the idealist.

The realist will take a reality check. Worldly obligations and whatnot.

The idealist will follow through their dreams. The true matters of the heart.

Not all relationships are founded upon pure chemistry, especially from brilliant compatibility.
Many are founded upon gratitude.

The realist will eventually…let go. Go with the flow of the dominant current they’re in. Society binds them in. They awake to ringing wake-up calls idealists prefer to shut out. They awake from their dreams. They feel the need to heed to Time’s command.

The idealist will find it hard to let go. Because they want to fight against the current. Take a risk. Carpe diem/noctum. They see what they can gain is more than worth the loss. The calculated risk is merely…their happiness.

Between two lovers, the realist will go with the safest bet.

Between two lovers, the idealist will go to the one closest to their hearts.

Realists dread regrets, when the stakes are high.

Idealists dread regrets, when they might not live up to themselves.

Being the other women

Being the other woman.

Is when you learn that love is not everything, even if he wants to love and be loved even more than you do.
Drugs can win all.


Being the other woman.

Is when you learn how much the man you’ve grown to love, loves the other woman more. In the end. She was what he need. You are what he wants. Their past is what he’ll keep. And his disappearance is what makes you weep.


Being the other woman.

Is when you learn that you both could have been meant to be.
Because he knows that you would know why he had to leave you.


Being the other woman.

Is when you learn to hate Time.
It’s all about the timing, in the end.


You left me alone.

Plan B

It’s no secret that people use other people. People just don’t always say it out loud.
I don’t think it’s usual to announce that you’re using someone to get over another person anyway.
I have used people to find out what I want.
The only harm done was that I belonged to no one in the end.
They gave me their hearts, which was not part of the plan.

And I’ve always forgot to make Plan B.

Friday, March 2, 2007


“ade bende yg kite tak payah kongsi ngan org lain”

Jiji voiced out to break the silence as we sat on the floor at block X waiting for the next class. It’s true. Her statement.

Sometimes, sharing equal to hurting. Therefore, it is best not to share/ express/ show. Silent is easy. Starsailor said.

I guess now I understand. When daddy doesn’t wanna tell me something, meaning he doesn’t wanna hurt me. I love you. Thank you.

In addition, sometimes too, when people tell you something, it can mean many things:
He/she loves you, wanna share with you, do not want you to be the last to know, do not want to hide things from you, or want you to understand him/her.

The things that you know may hurt. That’s normal. Truth hurts. Truth bites. Deal with it. Can’t fix it? So stand it. Smile. Cry. It’s ok to cry, you can always smile later or vice versa.