weekends with "awesome"

Have u ever tried to find the words but they don’t come out right? Hmm…I am staring at notebook’s screen. I have so much to say but somehow I don’t know where to start. Last weekdays were tough for me. I was so happy to be able to unwind and spend my weekends with you like I wished for so long.

I don’t think I’m going to write the details of the weekends here as it would only attract curiosity and suspicious towards us. Herh. It was great start of my holidays. Thanks for spending your days and nights with me despite of you not having enough sleep. Thanks for the nice dinners, movies, secret recipe, Baskin n robin and also your kak nurul. She’s beautiful.

I’m sorry I couldn’t stop the tears. I’m sorry I treated you bad, minutes before you walked me away. I was so sad you couldn’t be with me till the last moment. It was hard letting you go too and even harder when u turned and walked back to me.

I know what kind of a jerk you can be and the feeling of your swords stabbing into my chest. And I hate it if I had to wait and pushed away again in the name of the responsibility. Coz honestly, I don think I can wait anymore and being hurt over and over again. I am so scared you might be the Mr. Nice Guy to them and I’m terrified I’m going to lose you again. And I don’t want to hear you telling me to find someone else anymore.

I “awesome” you so much and I need you. I don’t want another “awful” with me years from now. I want my “awesome”.

P/s: sorry it’s not a long entry like yours. I don’t know how to express my happiness. I just hope u know and understand how much I appreciate the moments we were together. *smiles*