i don't know.

When u read this, it sounds familiar. Indeed. This is exactly the same entry that I once posted months ago. And I post the words again here with some changes. It’s what I am feeling right now.

It seems that everything I do or think about now just stays in my head these days. In complex, wordless form. I begin to feel difficult to talk to people and even you. I think I’ve lost something. And I don’t know what it is. Passion? Me?. I Lost much. Daily activities have increased these days. The tests are just around the corner. I wish I am an irresponsible person. So I don’t have to care about courses and programs that I am not interested in. irresponsible so I can skip classes and fly to you. I’m trying to keep everything in balance. I'm rotting inside out.

I want to go home.

Nothing seems right for long. I could be thinking about a bright and happy future, and the next second, blur.
My heart doesn't pump like normal anymore. It's pumping something. Something unexplainable. Hate? Worry? It keeps me up at night. It makes me sick in the mornings. It makes me laugh and the next second, it makes me silent while I hear your voice when the tears keep on flowing down my cheeks. I feel lotsa emotions. And the next second again, I could feel nothing.

The only good thing about it is that my injured heart feels numb. I know it is only you reading this blog. I know some of them may be about you. But this is it, I’m laying them out. I need you here. So I can feel safe.

Again, the air is thick with lies. I live in a big lie. I seek the way of truth, and followed it. But now I’m very much lost. I'm in need of help in ways no one can. I have lost the truth, and found much lies. The stories go around, and each passing, a sentence is added. The air is thick with lies. Lies so thick I’m choking.

I want to go home.
I want to see you.